the universe works in a strange way.
they say time heals wounds, i would like to think time allows wounds to settle. smells that are left behind diffuse over time. one day, you miss the smell, you look for it and you realise it has faded. your mind builds new images, new memories, not replacing the old ones, but slowing pushing the older ones to another space at the back, without you noticing. they are there, but they do not surface so easily, but you know they are always there. it is not so apparent yet, but i do slowly notice that sad moments leave, and more happy moments stay and surface. on days when i can breath better, i can actually manage a smile when i think of you. i like that because i imgaine you will like that. on cloudy days, i wonder if you can actually read my mind, because i am so afraid if you cannot, it may seem to you i am mangaing life fine without you. and then i feel bad for trying to maintain that smile. days are all like that, sometimes the sun shines, sometimes comes a sudden downpour, some days are just more grey and others more peaceful. but i do think the peaceful ones are on the up. on nights where i refuse to close my eyes, i browse through the photos and the messages. they remind me of how constantly you asked me to be happy, told me you asked GOD to give me the most beautiful things, and that i am an angel. it is like you knew and had all these reminders planted all around me, to tell me what you wanted for me is not what i am becoming now, fighting with people, fighting for things, but not knowing what i am fighting for. i am evil. but you always find a way to come back and tell me i am meant to be happy and kind, because i guess you know, even if i do not do it for myself, i will do it for you. i try everyday. 你看见吗?