day 31

You must have seen my outburst.
you must have said: 傻瓜，哭什么

found my favourite gospel today
the one i always repeated in the car
we must have sold the car with the cd in the player
it sounds just the same, maybe a little lonelier

did as you told, made a trip to edwin's
practising taking good care of myself
you see, now i have to do your job. tsk.

goodnight sweetheart.
love times infinity.

day 24

hi sweetest heart ever, i survived the new year holidays.
had good talks with good company and it felt good.
i thought of you a lot at daf's place and more at fernvale.
i can imagine you doing this and that and saying this and that
and so i drift and i float and i return and it all breaks my heart
if only you stayed for one more week, or one more month, or...
so many what-if´s

today, i remembered how we lazed on the sofa one evening and i had my feet on your laps. you told me some sweet stuff and i laughed it off, and later at night, you said to me: baby that(on the sofa) was so romantic right?

and it killed me.

and now choya is ctaching up on me.
goodnight sweetheart. wish you were here.
your gaze...it kills me too.

day 23

all i ask for, is to remember you and miss you the way i want to
i don't know if it is the rightest or best way
but it is my own way
and it is all that i can handle now
their crap makes me doubt my beliefs and makes me weak
maybe i chose the easy way to believe you are all good now
but this is the way you taught me
please ask them to stop forcing me

miss you very much baby
i hate festives and all special occasions

day 22

life is as such
sometimes you tell some lies to others
other times, you tell some lies to yourself
and that is how we all get by

day 17

hey sweetheart, i am back.
you are everywhere, you know that?
and i am missing you beyond words.

day 10

hello baby.
it's been really cold these 2 days.
miss your warm hands very very very much.
always looking forward to come home to a room smelling of you.

if only

keep thinking that i could have given a lot more hugs and kisses and said a lot more i-love-you´s.
you would have if we switched roles, i am sure.

day 9

memories can eat people up completely.
you are so right, i am going to get myself buried in all the what-if´s and used-to´s
you know me best

day 8

sweetheart, and now i am rather confused.
need to talk pls. many questions to ask you.
let's talk as soon as you can ok.

i have the whole room smelling like you now.

love.

day 6

hello today baby,
and these are mine now.
gatsby is here too ok. he has pinko now.

day 4

these days, i have thoughts suddenly coming into my head and i think they are from you. they sound like you.


one of the nights when you woke up once i got there, you said that was because part of your body was mine and so it listened to me.


you once said to me: you know i love to bring you with me everywhere i go, but not this time baby.
not true.
you have brought with you a part of me, and also left me a part of you.


whatever it is, sweetheart,
i will see you soon ok.